Look, I warned you that some of these pages would be stupid.

Here is a silly work of fanfiction I once wrote in response to a prompt: Please write me a Yamada/Togami epic. I'm not sure this technically succeeds in being an epic, alas.

As this was originally written before the official English release of Danganronpa, it follows the conventions of orenronen's fan translation.

The hero of Final Fantasy VIII, Squall Leonhart, realises he is in love with the heroine when she is possessed by an evil sorceress and falls unconscious. Leonhart, aloof and reluctant to make emotional connections, is forced to realise he cares about the heroine when faced with the prospect of losing her.

Yamada knows of a certain other person who is aloof and reluctant to connect.

There don’t seem to be many evil sorceresses in Hope’s Peak Academy, with the possible exception of Celes. Still, a true hero never backs down from his destiny!

“Huh?” Oowada asks, staring.

“I want you to knock me out, Oowada Mondo-dono!” Yamada repeats. “After seeing the effect of your Meteor Punch on Naegi Makoto-dono, I know you can do it!”

Oowada stares for a moment longer, then shrugs.

Yamada wakes on a bed in an unfamiliar room. When he looks to one side, he sees Naegi sitting on the side of an adjacent bed, looking anxiously at him.

“Yamada-kun!” Naegi exclaims. “Are you okay?”

Yamada looks to the other side. The rest of the room is empty. Togami has entirely failed to be here, weeping over his lifeless body.

“Ah, this is the infirmary,” Naegi says. “Monobear opened it early because... well, um, he said he felt sorry for you because you were so stupid. What – what did you do?”

“Tell me!” Yamada demands. “Was it Togami Byakuya-dono who carried me in here?”

Naegi blinks. “Oogami-san,” he says.

This is troubling. Yamada has no romantic interest in Oogami. He has no interest in Naegi either, and Naegi was here waiting anxiously for him to wake, which is very much a romantic role. Why must he be so irresistible to everyone but his love?

“Naegi Makoto-dono,” Yamada says, gravely, “I am afraid you and I can never be.”

Naegi is silent for a moment, presumably absorbing the shock of rejection.

“Are – are you sure you’re all right?” he asks.

Well, that didn’t work. Still, Yamada isn’t the type to give up. If Togami is resisting his own feelings, Yamada will just have to make the first expression of love.

Yamada stays up all night and most of the morning painting. Eventually, he wipes his brow with his sleeve and stands back to survey his work: an enormous banner depicting Togami’s stately head and shoulders. Togami is, of course, even more attractive in two dimensions.

He hangs it on the wall of the cafeteria, then conceals himself and waits.

When Fukawa comes across the banner, she stands and stares at it for two full hours. Yamada is always pleased to see his art appreciated, but he can’t help feeling that perhaps she appreciates it a little too much.

Eventually, Togami enters. He casts a single glance at the portrait.

“A passable likeness,” he says aloud. “I’m pleased to see someone is decorating this wretched school appropriately.” A pause. “Come out from behind that table; you look ridiculous.”

“Togami Byakuya-dono, you knew I was there?” Yamada asks, levering himself up.

“Of course I did,” Togami says. “Did you imagine I would miss you?”

“You see, he can sense my presence, no matter where I am!” Yamada announces. “Togami Byakuya-dono and I are clearly linked by fate.”

“Ah,” Naegi says, “perhaps, but... don’t you think perhaps he just saw you?”

“Because we are linked by fate, yes,” Yamada says.

Naegi opens his mouth, then closes it again, evidently unable to find anything to attack in Yamada’s impeccable logic.

Their destiny becomes even clearer when Yamada rounds the corridor to the dorms and walks straight into Togami. These things don’t just happen by accident! In a perfect world they would both have been knocked onto the floor on top of each other and pink bubbles would have floated past as they gazed frozen into each other’s eyes, but you can’t have everything.

Togami is, of course, a seme. He fits magnificently into the seme archetype. This means that Yamada is the uke, and make no mistake: he is going to play his role to perfection.

“T-Togami Byakuya-dono!” he gasps, trying very hard to make his eyes sparkle.

Togami brushes off the shoulder of his jacket, looking at Yamada with intense disdain. “Watch where you’re going. If you can’t avoid taking up half the corridor, you should lock yourself in your room for everyone’s convenience.”

And he stalks away.

Definitely, absolutely a seme. Their relationship is going to be perfect.

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